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This wonderful chemical story appeared in J. Chem. Educ. July 1960, p354

The Case of the Missing Joules

Inspector Sherlock Ohms, of Standard International Yard, was driving across the Wheetstone Bridge in his '09 Maxwell. He was trying to remember Ava Gadro's number so he could call and data for the Policeman's Ball-when suddenly he blew a tire.

"OH- Nernst" said Sherlock, "I don't have a tire ion with me, but luckily ammonia short distance from the Ideal Gas Station."

(This business was handled by Saul Vent, who, at the moment, was freon bail).

Just as the inspector emerged from the station, a rubber policeman whizzed by on his Carnot cycle. Ohms knew he was deuteride by, but he wondered watt made him rush so. He shouted atom, but he was gone. Ohms' reaction was instantaneous. By radio activity he learned that Micro Farad, Recipro City's top-ranking rookie, was chasing a joule thief.

Ohms chased Micro down Elect Road, around the Elastic Modulus, back over Salt Bridge and up into Farren Heights. He turned left at the Old Ball Mill, went past the Mono Clinic, the Palladium, and all the way to the liquid junction at Endothermic Street. They were almost across the city line when Sherlock's car swerved and crashed into a Van der Waal. The impact splintered the Plancks and punched a big hole in the hydrolysis system.

"I node that was going to happen," said Sherlock, "but I'd beta catch up to him."

Quickly he volted out of his rectilinear and took up the chase on foot. He soon came across Micro, standing in a magnetic field, holding Ann Hydrate and Al Doll at bay.

"Watt's the meaning of this?" queried the Inspector, and the copper was quick to explain.

"Well, Sir, I stopped in at the Invar Bar, a local dyne and dance spot, for a couple of quartz of Lambert Beer when I noticed Ann Hydrate sitting alone at a two-place log table. I knew some joule thieves had made a radon Ethyl Benzene's country estate, and I spotted one of the Benzene rings on her, along with a para Ethyl's earrings.

"Anode an explanation of this, but before I could torque to her, she was in her coat of rust and out the door. Being true to the Kopp's Rule, I was quick to follow; but when she got into her Monochromatic-8, I knew I was infra tough chase. Fortunately her engine started Fehling just beyond the city limits and I caught her."

"She had led me to the missing joules, and also to her accomplice, Al Doll, who was about to barium in a hollow common log, under the square roots of this deserted magnetic field. While we were waiting for you, their other partner, Cal Orie, tried to run me down with his Mercury. Did that make my blood Boyle! I dodged and hit him with a bag of Boltz . . . man! Did that change his molar concentration!"

"But really, Inspector, there wasn't any trig in catching these joule thieves. I just Van't Hoff on a normal lead - don't you zinc that explains it?"

Inspector Ohms beamed. "Son, you'll go on nights for this!"

(In effect, this was a promotion - for in Recipro City, nitrates are much mohr than those faraday man.)


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